Dear Little Baby K,
I’m addicted to reality tv. I know I know, it’s not really reality, it’s scripted right?
Well, it’s my escape from my reality so I’ll stick with the non-reality tv
binging sessions. My favorite show
is a controversial one, MTV’s 16 and pregnant. I’ve been hooked on the show since it debuted and now that
I’m 23 and pregnant, it grasps my attention even more. Some argue that the show encourages
young girls to get pregnant, while others support the show by stating it shows
the real side of teen pregnancy.
Personally, at 23 years old, this show scares me enough to fear
motherhood, which is why I decided to start a blog – to release the thoughts
instead of keeping them bottled inside.
Sure, I have my stuff together a little more than the young girls on
this show but I have my share of issues as well. I never thought I’d be here at the age I am without a degree
and without at least a full-time job.
I’ve always been one of those people that plans everything…and when I
say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.
But I also learned the hard way that life does not go according to what
you thought was the master plan.
And right now, honestly little baby, I’m scared. I know me and your dad have a few
months to get things finalized before you get arrive, but every day I
worry. You are honestly a blessing
and we couldn’t be happier – the doctors have told me for years now how
difficult it would be for me to have children because of my many health
problems. But creating you was
anything but difficult, it was actually rather easy I suppose considering you
were a complete surprise. I found
out I was expecting on March 15, we were currently in the middle of planning
our wedding and I was searching for another job to supplement the income or a
full-time job if possible.
Everything has currently had to be placed on hold, except for the
wedding of course. That is still on track for May 19, and I can’t wait. 30 days away and then I’ll never have
to deal with the wedding nonsense ever again. Little Baby K, when you get married many many years from
now, just do what makes you happy – I won’t be mad if you elope, I won’t cry if
you don’t ask me to help you plan, I swear I’ll be fine. This wedding has been what I call a very
trying process on my patience, but I’ll get through it thanks to your
Great-Grandma Happy and my fairy god-auntie Ariel. So on top of wedding planning I’m also at the end of another
semester of school and I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m four classes away from my
associates finally! But it looks like I’ll have to wait another semester to get
it because you’re expected to arrive November 14, meaning that I’ll probably
miss the end of the semester and not pass the classes I plan to take with
flying colors. That is one thing
I’m very stressed about – school.
I don’t want to have to take another break, but it’s looking like I’ll
have to. Things are just so all
over the place right now and it’s hard to picture the bright sunny sky when
things look gloomy to me. I always
thought I’d have my ducks in a row when I had a child, but the only duck I seem
to have lined up is the good father one.
Your dad, TJ, is going to be amazing. He’s probably more excited than I am at this point, but I
think that’s because you’re not causing him to throw up every night and turn
his nose up at his favorite foods.
Nonetheless, I’m working on me to be better for you. I’ll use this as an outlet to let out
all my thoughts during pregnancy; some will be sad, some will be happy, some
may be frustrated, but all will be real.
No matter what’s going on and how my crazy emotions make me appear, I
already love you dear little baby K.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. By the way, your name will start with a K, hence the baby K. :)
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